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 Everyone gets that overwhelming feeling that nothing in their life at that precise moment is okay or ever will be okay. That moment when the water drop collides with the ground and there is nothing you could have done about it. But you will think about. You will think about what you could have done in between that time. You desperately torture yourself over things you could have done, should have done. Even when you convince yourself that it’s too late, you will still go over it over and over again. How can one part of your brain not get that it’s over? That now, now there is nothing you can do change what happened. That it has happened you have done it and that it needs to stop torturing yourself. There has to be a part of the brain that enjoys the torture. That wants you to relive every moment, so you can feel the embarrassment over and over again.

I believe in the forgiveness of the soul. The forgiveness of each other. Sometimes, however, I can’t forgive myself.

Img cred: Unknown.

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The Incomplete Agenda.

The title is annoying no? Bear with me though, hopefully I'll be writing the full agenda in 6 months. However we are sticking with the incomplete agenda because today I'm talking about 6 "resolutions" that I want to have completed/in place in 6 months time. ‘Six Six Months Resolutions.’ Yeah bet you're glad I didn't go for that title. 

I'm not the kind for resolutions, as I know change can happen any time. But there's been something about the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015 that has left my mind brewing. This year, for some reason, I’ve come to see just how motivating it can be to have a ‘renewing point’ in our lives. In the past two weeks, I’ve noticed a reoccurrence of thoughts of things I would like to do/stop/change about myself. I wrote them out on Evernotes and well here we are: 

1. Talk kindly to myself - You know when you're berating yourself over and over again? Yeah I need to stop with that. I’m the worst for beating myself up over the stupidest thing and it has got to stop. It’s so bad for my self-esteem and some of these things just don’t matter. I consistently call myself lazy because I’m not out there doing a million things like people my age seem to do. But I realised I have to be kinder to myself, I am not them and further more I am not lazy. 

2. Put make-up on at least 2 times a week - Does this sound odd? I don't mean it in any way to suggest I need the make-up but I just feel great when I take the time to invest in my appearance. Just to be more clear, I mean putting on concealer and foundation and blush. I am never without my eyeliner, mascara or brows for work. It's just I also love playing around with different lip colours for work, so I've decided that at least two days a week I'll forgo that sleep and make myself look and feel fabulous. I tend to wear make-up on the weekend if I’m out and about because I actually have the time, so this just counts for the week. 

3. Exercise in the morning at least once a week - I was in the gym at 6.45am one day last year, this was only because I hadn't been able to sleep for the past 3 days, and the thought of lying awake until my alarm rang was hell. So I carted myself off to the gym and it was actually good. Thing is, it never happened again. Ideally I'd love to go to the gym in the morning for the whole week day, but I have to be realistic, so baby steps. I'll still do workouts when I get home for the other days, but would love to see the gym in the AM. 

4. Turn my laptop off at 10pm every day – Yep. I love the internet but I waste a lot of time on it. I click on one thing and end up losing three hours of my life. It also is the reason I go to bed a lot of the time, so I’m hoping my implementing this rule, I can read for a bit and then be asleep by 11.30pm. It takes me about 45minutes to fall asleep so, I really do need to step away from the laptop! I haven’t extended this to all devices, but really I should. But as I said before, baby steps. 

5. See a dermatologist and get a skin treatment – I have had skin issues all my life. I did have a dermatologist for a while as a teen, but she was awful. Considering my skin is one of the things that bother me the most, I’ve decided it’s time to invest some money into addressing and improving those issues! The internet has helped me a great deal, but it has also made me realise that sometimes you need to invest in what is important to you. Although I’m much more confident in my skin than I was as a teenager, I’d still like to get as close to “perfect” skin as my acne, oily self can. 

6. Save 12% of my income every month – I need to accept that living to very last penny of my wage is not smart. There are a lot of things I’d like to do this year and so I need to start taking my savings situation seriously. Whilst 12% isn’t a huge amount, I think it is a great starting point for me and will allow me to show some self restraint when it comes to spending. My downfall is eating out, I just love food okay? 

And those are my 6! I’m actually really happy with all of these because they are things that have bothered me on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. I’m also happy with them because they are not dependent on each other. Whilst I was reading Willpower, they mentioned that the reason we tend to fail at our goals is because we set ourselves so many and they often use up our willpower. For example if you’re trying to quit smoking and losing weight you are using your willpower to stop having a cigarette and cut out yummy foods. I think my goals are varied enough that I will not be depleting my willpower on an hourly or daily basis in order to meet them. For example me putting on make-up for work doesn’t deplete my willpower to turn off my laptop at 10pm. I hope that made sense! What I’m saying is they seem achievable and are not all based around cutting stuff out and restricting myself. 

 I’m going to revisit these in 6 months time and see how I’ve done! Do you have any resolutions for this year?

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Secret Santa Gifts + Mini Khroma Khole Kardashian's Kardazzle Face Palette Review.

So this is long overdue but I really wanted to show the gifts I got in my Secret Santa Swap, even thought I filmed it (my YouTube debut lol) I wanted to show one of the products I have been loving. Seriously I want to just take it everywhere with me. Especially because I am loving one of the products so so much!

So I won't dither on about the SS because Christmas come and gone. But I received these gifts and so happy with them all. I am yet to wear the earrings, but have been loving the bracelet. I was super excited about the Rimmel Apocalips however this shade does not suit me at all. Which is a shame because the formula is great! The star of the show for me was the Khroma - Khloe Kardashian's Kardazzle Face Palette. I was so intrigued by this because I honestly don't pay a lot of attention to anything the Kardashians bring out, and I think I've only ever see one blogger I follow review it (The Sunday Girl). However when I opened this up I was so happy. Plus Khole is my favourite Kardashian!

(with flash)

How beautiful are the colours?! I also love how compact the whole thing is, it's so easy for travel (like I even go anywhere) and I think this has such a fantastic range of colours in terms of eyeshadow. It could have done with a darker matte shade, but if I'm perfectly honest I haven't even touched the matte shades. I just love love the shimmery ones. I thought the formula would be meh, but this is so pigmented and I am beyond impressed! My favourite shades have to be the two shimmery shades on the bottom left. I tried my luck at applying these along with some of the dark mattes in theBalm Nude 'Tude Eyeshadow Palette and it actually looked good (I'm terrible at applying eyeshadow). 

I also love how this came with a blush, highlighter and bronzer. Obviously Khloe is much lighter than me so I don't think I can use those as they are supposed to be used. I did try out the blush and I thought it looked okay. Overall I'm just super happy with the eyeshadows especially the shimmer ones. I love how travel friendly this is and how it lends itself to creating various looks. 

I'm not sure of places that physically stock the Kardashian products but Feel Unique and Look Fantastic are listed as official stockist. However I cannot find the palette on either of their sites. 

I have a vague memory of them selling it in Dorothy Perkins but perhaps I've mistaken that for their clothes. Either way my Secret Santa managed it and I am eternally grateful! 

Do you have any compact palettes that you love? 

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January Book List

I’m not going to harp on about how I can’t believe its January already, or New Year’s resolution because me no care.  But Happy New Year all and I hope your heads are feeling much better! I’m going to dive in with the book talk because I love talking about them and looking at my analytics you guys love these posts as well! 

So last year (oh yes I did just say that) I decided that enough with purchasing all the books Kindle Daily Deals throws at me. I had over 40 books sitting in my Amazon ‘save for later’ basket, so I thought I’d better get on with making a dent in that number. I also missed the feel of an actual book, so I decided no Kindle purchases during that shopping trip. I ended up buying 6 books, I ordered them on like the 23rd and they came just after Christmas. Now before we get on to them, or whether I’m even attempting to put 6 books as a target for this month, let’s talk about last month and the Goodreads reading challenge. 

So I finished all the books I set myself last month all within December. So yay for that. I can definitely confirm that Revenge Wears Prada: The Devil Returns is not worth your time, it is not as entertaining as Andrea at Runway and she just spends a lot of time moaning about her life. She also moans constantly about Miranda and the whole I time I just kept thinking  'you spent ONE year working there, get the fuck over it'. I found The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness really hard to enjoy, it was okay to get in to but I found that you really had to read a bit, stop and digest it before carrying on. It’s something I need to read again just to get the full message, it’s a short book but by no means an easy read but it is very insightful. Simplify was one the best of bunch for me, it was short and had some really good tips. I found myself agreeing with so many things Joshua said. I’ve already decluttered and have plans for more. I even ended up fitting another book in, it was a last minute purchase and I did not realise it would be such a short book (I never look at page numbers) It was Mishaps & Mistletoe which was a short Christmas story, I thought it was cute and really enjoyed it. 

So Goodreads… I didn’t reach my target. I ended up reading 37 out of 40 books. So when it came to setting my target this year and ummed and ahhed but then finally decided I wasn’t going to go lower or keep it the same. In upped my goal to 40 books this year. So with that target in place, let’s get on with what I’m reading this month! 

Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Melanie Fennell – Really? Yes. I don’t think many people think it about me, but my self esteem is horrendously low, I’m just good at faking it. I’m pretty sure this one of the books my psychologist wanted me to read (or one of the books in this range) and it has just been sitting in my ‘save for later’ basket for way too long. Considering I’ve done CBT before, I’m hoping I’ll find helpful enough to implement into my daily life. Or at least start to feel better about myself overall. 

The Angel’s Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon – When I read ‘The Shadow of the Wind’ I was blown away. The book stayed on my mind for a long time, it was beautifully written, the stories were so intricate and the language was so beautiful. I knew there were other books by him so of course it was again in my ‘save for later.’ What I didn’t know was that the books are part of a series, and The Angel’s Game is number 2, so I’m looking forward to diving back into the same Zafon’s story world. If you don’t see me for a while it’s because I’m too busy dreaming I was inside that book. 

Unsuitable Men by Pippa Wright – The light hearted read. This was sat in my ‘save for later’ basket for whatever reason and I love a good chicklit! I’m sure I’ve had this saved because it was suggested as something similar to a book called Pear Shaped that I absolutely loved. I'm sure it will resonate with my never ending bad luck with men, so I'm ready to get stuck in! 

So those are my reads for this month! But what about the other books pictured you ask? Those will be in my February List.

I’m going to try and be more frequent with my book reviews but I always struggle to write them because I’m not sure if I should only write about a book if I find it amazing, or if I didn’t like it. Also book reviews are hard for me to put together, but if any of the three takes my fancy you may well see them in a book review soon. You can add me on Goodreads and also create your own reading challenge for 2015! 

What books are you reading this month?

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A YouTube Video

So I know everyone is talking New Year plans or post round ups, but before I signed off for 2014 I wanted to share an update on the YouTube channel I talked about before.  First things first, it exists. Me friend Nettie and I did sit down and film a video, but I might have stupidly not transferred the close up shots from her memory card to my laptop, so editing is still in progress for that! 

In the meantime, I threw caution to the wind, and filmed a video of me unboxing my secret santa gift. All is explained in the video, so if you want to hear me talking at the speed of light (I only do so for the first minute) then click below!

And before I forget Happy New Year :) Wishing you all a wonderful time tonight, be safe and enjoy whatever you do :) xxx

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